Watchmen, watched!(my house is the one with dead dog in front..yeah, tire tread over burst stomach)

Against all odds, the Watchmen movie is pretty good. Considering all of the elements that go into making a film, from script meetings to casting to catering, we're lucky Robin Williams didn't ham his way into playing The Comedian. Look at my face. Not a joke. When a person, a reasonable person with a functioning brain and reasoning skills looks at Watchmen on the page and compares it to the screen, they have to admit that they didn't fuck it up.

Not that Watchmen is a perfect film. Some of the casting choices didn't pan out exactly, with Matthew Goode conveying way too much menace and evil for a character like Ozymandias who isn't actually all that evil to begin with. I sense an appeal to wider audiences, giving them someone villain-like, because what good is a superhero movie without a defined bad guy, right? Of course, everyone is tripping over themselves to scream at how bad Malin Akerman is, which is funny because she isn't that bad. Sure, she isn't that good, but "worst actress in the world", Richard Roeper? How quickly we forget about Halle Barry(Quick, everyone forget about Halle Barry! I'm sorry I brought her up!) Malin's line readings have a flatness to them at parts but hey, girl can sell a sex scene. I'm sure more able actresses were available who recoiled at the sex scenes. Prudes. Also, Charlize Theron is too expensive.(But soooo worth it. Zack Snyder should have dug deep and tossed her some Hancock money. Did you see that one? That is what a disappointment looks like.)


You know what I liked? Rorschach. Killed it. Literally and figuratively, killed it all over the place. Jackie Earle Haley threw grease on your face and you liked it. He stuffed a midget in a toilet and you Lurved Him. If you had a problem with Rorschach, well, he set fire to cops. You are so hard to please.
Patrick Wilson was fine as Nite Owl. Nite Owl isn't anybody's favorite part of Watchmen, but he's still important. He's like one glove. By himself, you don't care, but you need that one glove to go with your other glove, which is Watchmen. Great analogy.

I wasn't thrilled with the ending change, but I find it's the least of my issues every time I think back on it. It isn't a terrible change, and it does make sense, so I guess I'm over it and time heals all wounds. What was more interesting is how extra Ultra Fighty the Watchmen film is. So much slo-mo punching and kicking. Everyone can hit so hard that limbs explode and destruct. Dr. Manhatten walks around pointing at people, making them explode in big gooey messes. If that is what it takes to keep the kids in their seats, I stand and applaud it. Speaking of kids, stop giggling at Doc Manhatten's junk. Yes, blue. Yes, it's dangling. Rachel deemed it "a shower, not a grower." In his defense, he can alter the fabric of the universe, so laugh away. Dude could make it like you never existed, just a drip down your mother's leg. Think on it.

In conclusion, Watchmen is now a movie, see it. (Wait, you read all this and haven't seen Watchmen? I spoiled so much. Sorry.)

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