Torture or Treat- Sex and Lucía

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Bad Guys Win takes your recommendation and decides whether it is Torture or a Treat.


Well, this was a convoluted mind fuck. Fantasy meets reality and bends back to right itself(fix itself?) in Sex and Lucía, a Spanish film with a lot going on, but not all of it mattering. Or maybe none of it does. While the film plays fast and loose with the idea of fiction and fact, I had a hard time believing a person could become a successful author and not be able to type without pecking at the keyboard, looking at the keys, and talking aloud as they wrote.

The story goes that Lucía is in love with a novelist whose work so touched her that she began stalking him. Emboldened one day, she tells him all this, and adds that they should move in together and fall in love. Considering that Lucía is played by Paz Vega, the writer thinks this is a pretty great idea and leaves with her immediately, blowing off his friend with nothing more than a point and a wave. This guy has completely forgotten bros before hoes. However, since the writer looks like this, he probably figured that his luck wouldn’t get any better. Returning to his apartment, Lucía and the writer, Lorenzo, engage in various sex games and some acrobatic intercourse. Soon enough, they’re doing stripteases for each other, taking Polaroids of themselves during penetration, and Lucía is taking off her panties and throwing them in Lorenzo’s face as they sit at an outdoor cafe. Lorenzo has hit the jackpot and is now inspired to peck away at his new novel, which until meeting Lucía, had been blocked. Lorenzo gives the finished work to Lucía and she thinks it’s…whatever. Lorenzo is crushed.

But hey, Lucía doesn’t care that the book isn’t that good. She loves Lorenzo, throws him a birthday party and keeps making “let’s fuck” eyes at him all the time. Plus she has a job of her own, so she’s a productive member of society. I think this is what your dad would call “a keeper”. In any case, Lorenzo’s buddy/editor Pepe, who looks even stranger than Lorenzo, has found out that one of Lorenzo’s one night stands has had a child by him and is living nearby. Yes, previous to meeting Lucía, Lorenzo met and banged a woman while on an island vacation. How good was the sex? Why, this woman proclaimed it “The fuck of her life”. Lorenzo, a piece of work. After their underwater coitus, Lorenzo refused to tell the woman his real name or anything about himself at all, except that it was his birthday. Lorenzo is a classy dude. Turns out Lorenzo isn’t just a great lay, he’s also extremely fertile. Like any good standing person, Lorenzo tracks down his abandoned child to a nearby playground, where he befriends his daughter’s caretaker. Wait, did I say befriend? Maybe that was Lorenzo’s intention in order to meet his child, but this chick is ready to go. That’s right, Lorenzo can’t go anywhere without a woman getting all up in his jock. Who wrote this? Lorenzo? (Kinda.)

At this point, I’d found myself fed up with Lorenzo but curious to see where all these disparate threads would lead. Sadly, they led nowhere. After meeting the caretaker, Lorenzo starts detailing their conversations into a new novel that Lucía secretly reads on his computer after he goes to bed. The film starts playing fast and loose(r) with the timelines at this point, and it becomes unclear what is actually happening. Which leads to a finale that insinuates that none of it happened(I think).

In the meantime, we are treated to a bevy of beautiful women disrobing for Lorenzo yet never judging him. By the films end, Lorenzo appeared to be responsible for child abandonment, infidelity, undue psychological stress leading to suicide, the death of a child; all the while Lorenzo is treated like some great catch and actually forgiven for this shit. Plus his hair is a bird.

Sex and Lucía‘s greatest crime is having none of its events have any consequences. This film literally ends with tears and hugs, when it should really end with a punch and a kick. I was actually reminded of Jon Hamm’s character on 30 Rock, a man who lives in a bubble due to his good looks. Lorenzo doesn’t look anything like Hamm(obviously) yet women can’t stay away from him and never hold him accountable for any of his dickish behavior.

Despite copious amounts of sex and nudity and charming performances from Paz Vega and Elena Anaya, Sex and Lucía is Torture.

Lorenzo's "O Face"

Do you have recommendation for Torture or Treat? Leave it in the comments.

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2 Responses to “Torture or Treat- Sex and Lucía

  1. gnomesdeplume Says:

    I had to stop watching after the dog killed the daughter when I first saw this movie. I replayed the scene a couple of times only because I wasn’t sure what the fuck had happened. I stopped watching it, not because I was disturbed that a kid died, but because I was pissed off that the dead kid ruined what looked like a promising sex scene. When I watched it in its entirety the second time I came to three conclusions: 1) even European women love dicks; 2) I love the mens, but I also love looking at boobies; and 3) Pepe looks way better in drag, though he still makes one fugly woman.

    • Lorin Says:

      I completely missed how the dog ended up eating the girl. My first assumption was that the force of the door sent the girl down the staircase. No matter the outcome, those two were gearing up for some hot sex.

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