Oscars 2019

This year the Oscars, perhaps you’ve heard, are a mess. A big sad pile of mistakes, one after another, for months on end. It remains a stunning run of incompetence that may never be equalled, because the world is slowly burning and we may be dead soon. BUT UNTIL THEN, lets celebrate the movies.

I once again took it upon myself to watch all the films nominated for best picture, along with some of the films nominated in other categories, but I didn’t come close to completing the Oscar Death Race to watch every nominated film though I salute those who try(hi Robin).

BlacKkKlansman

Spike Lee, never before nominated for best director which is insane but also very Oscars. Gotta get Daldrey in there, we get it. BlacKkKlansman is not Spike’s best film, as we are all obligated to say with maximum Oscars shade, but it is very entertaining, full of wonderful bits of style, the obligatory dolly glide, and very messy third act(a common movie problem if we’re being honest). It’s actually one of the better nominees for best picture. But that third act! We’re all over the place, man! One second the cops are good, then they’re bad, then they’re good again, then they’re woke(this part was impossible to believe) and then we are crushed with footage from Charlottesville. I know some people don’t like the way Spike is connecting the handling of the KKK in the 70’s with recent events. Those people are racists.

Black Panther

Black Panther is a commercial and critical juggernaut that I thought was just fine. It is a landmark for representation in studio filmmaking and it is certainly entertaining. Things I really liked: Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger. Strongly developed supporting characters. A clear storyline that doesn’t require a deep history with Marvel lore. Things I didn’t like: messy third act(there it is again), shoddy action and CGI, and T’Challa is the least interesting character. On this list of best picture nominees, it’s on the higher tier. But in the realm of Marvel, it’s in the middle. It’s certainly no Iron Man 3.

Bohemian Rhapsody

It is crazy how much this movie sucks. From the moment you see Rami Malek trying to keep his fake teeth in his mouth it is just one groaner after another. Scene after scene of characters giving each other credit for song writing. Scene after scene of Freddie Mercury treating his queerness like it is something he is being tricked into(and then never following through). No one does any drugs, all the other members of Queen are apparently good family men who go home to their wives and children every night while Freddie Mercury cries himself to sleep in his big empty house with his cats. The most telling moment is near the end of the film when Freddie goes to the other members of Queen to get them to reunite for LiveAid(this didn’t happen). Freddie proclaims extreme fealty to the band, laying himself at their mercy. Brian May asks Freddie to leave the room. “Why did you ask him to leave?” someone asks. Brian: “Because I can.” When it came time to print the legend or the truth, Brian printed the legend of himself. What a power move. I thought this guy was your friend.

The Favourite

Director Yorgos Lanthimos has quite the career, indulging in gross art schlock for most of his career, with what appeared to be diminishing returns. With The Favourite he does a sudden pivot to Oscar prestige, but this time he does away with the animal cruelty(mostly) and ups the humor. There is a lot of talk of category fraud since this movie has three leads, and all that talk is completely true. Everyone does a great job, but Emma Stone comes out the winner for me because damn, what can’t she do? In the years to come people will say “She won her Oscar for what? Not The Favourite? That is so wild. Oh look, the ocean is on fire again.”

Green Book

An admitted liar and bullshitter is profiled in this story about how he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to one of the most talented musicians who ever lived. The fried chicken scene is a hate crime, props to Mahershala for not walking off the film.

Roma

Alfonso Cuaron is a master of film, one of our greatest living directors. Roma is his examination of a period of time in the life of a maid working for a wealthy family in Mexico City. It is technically impressive, with quite a few breathless long takes that Cuaron never draws attention to, and you only notice when you realize you’re holding your breath. That said, it does fall into the category of something like 12 Years a Slave, a stunning, emotional achievement that I can’t see myself watching more than once.

A Star Is Born

Remember when this thing was the frontrunner? When people were writing articles about how it was going to sweep? What a time to be alive. Now it looks like it ain’t winning a thing(maybe best song but I DUNNO) and that is too bad because I loved it! Bradley Cooper transforms himself here. This is acting, baby! His voice is different, he learned how to play guitar! He does all his singing! He did it live! Lady Gaga, also very good! The intense close ups, the parking lot scene, the Grammys scene(omg), the cut away to the flashback in the final song(OMG)! A Star Is Born(2018) is an all timer, looking forward to Cooper making a couple more crushers, getting his Oscar right before we all die in a measles outbreak in 2035.

Vice

Vice is some smug liberal shit, and I say that as a smug liberal. Adam McKay tries to do The Big Short Part Deux but he can’t decide if he wants to play things straight or comedic. Long scenes between characters happen that appear to be exactly how these kind of halls of power conversations go down, without any embellishment. It’s boring. Bad man does bad things because he can, intercut with a narrator with a “surprise” connection to Dick Cheney. Every now and then we get a weird joke that comes out of nowhere, like the credits running half way through. Just go in, Adam. Rip him to shreds. Also the post-credits tag is straight backpedalling trash. Manages to alienate everyone.

As I write this, I don’t see a clear winner. Roma has the prestige feel, but it is a foreign language film, and one has never won Best Picture before. I feel like something as terrible as Bohemian Rhapsody could win! That’s how bad it is out there, people. Personally, I’m rooting for a A Star Is Born come back. Cooper gets a write in director vote! What a twist!

hey, since we’re here, my list of the best films I saw in 2018

1. Mandy

2. The Night Comes For Us

3. Mission Impossible: Fallout

4. A Star Is Born

5. First Reformed

6. Hold The Dark

7. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

8. Upgrade

9. Game Night

Favorite Music of 2018

10 Best Albums of 2018

10) Catharsis by Machine Head

Robb Flynn leaned back into a the nu-metal/nu-metalcore sound that he secretly loves and everyone I guess hates and basically broke up his band with this album, but it might have been worth it because this record is a monster. It is way too long, but it is an embarrassment of riches, Flynn slamming your skull with one crusher after another. If this is Machine Head’s swan song, they are leaving on an uncompromising high.

9) From The Gallery of Sleep by Night Verses

These guys followed up their divisive last album (produced by Ross Robinson!) by ditching their lead singer and teaming with producer and legend in the making Will Putney on this all instrumental fireball. I couldn’t tell you the titles of any of these songs, it’s a real full album listen, just blistering solos and riffs and this! fucking! drummer! He’s a beast! I admit that when I heard they’d dropped the singer and were threatening to get all proggy, I had one foot out the door. But the boys did it again, and with Putney behind the boards, not really a surprise.

8) Diplomatic Ties by The Diplomats

This is the kind of easy, breezy rap album I can get behind. 33 minutes, no skits, just our boys in the Diplomats going in. Starts strong with Cam’ron going after Kanye and really never lets up. Neither a nostalgia record nor a pandering move at current trends, The Diplomats just sound like they’re back to rip it up however they want.

7) Errorzone by Vein

I found out about this one from a listener of my podcast, who said it was Nu-Metal As Fuck. It is nu-metal, plus every other type of metal, a track to track journey of abrasive riffs and noise, evoking everyone from Slayer to Fear Factory. Oh, and would you look at that, Will Putney producing. The boy actually did it again. 

6) QUARTERTHING by Joey Purp

The only Chance the Rapper song I ever latched onto in a big way was “All Nite”, a dance track that actually delivered all the upbeat, positive ebullience that everyone said that guy was doing, but never translated for me. Maybe it’s the rasp? Joey Purp has one of those dance songs, plus rap songs, plus whatever else he’s feeling, and what he tends to be feeling is bangers. Recommended for parties.

5) DAYTONA by Pusha T

The only album Kanye actually delivered on this year, Daytona is Pusha T doing that Pusha T thing we love so much; drug talk and the angry dismissive tone that I live for. After his last album of bland beats, he’s got nothing but scorchers here, and he does not waste a moment.

4) Headacher by Extra Arms

Full disclosure: I know Ryan and we text each other about Sloan all the time. This is the best album he’s ever made. He’s been making power pop for a long time this one really emphasizes the “power” and it has major hooks. “Why I Run” makes ME want to run, which is crazy. The power of music.

3) You Won’t Get What You Want by Daughters

This is the kind of nihilistic art metal you just can’t find anymore. These guys sound like they want to just burn some buildings down. Recommended for fans of the self-titled Liars album, i.e. the one with all the bangers.

2) 12 by Sloan

Another miracle from the best band in the world. At this point, Sloan have more great albums than you’ve had hot meals. Calling it 12 feels modest, like they don’t want to overstate how long they’ve been crushing it. It’s front to back, a smattering of new classics, with “The Day Will Be Mine” right up top.

1) Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves

I haven’t willingly listened to country music in a decade. This album is beautiful and true and it quite literally saved this year for me. I can listen to it over and over, every song the expression of finding love and beauty in the world, but also recognizing the shit that will try to bring you down and saying “not today, bruh”. “Happy and Sad” might be the most relatable song on the album, though “High Horse” might be too relatable, if you know what I mean. Hope Kacey makes 100 more albums.

15 Best Songs of 2018

1. Baby You’re a Haunted House – Gerard Way Sometimes your emo heroes make buzzy garage rock songs that fucking rule.
2. Love It If We Made It – The 1975 Taking all your lyrics from Trump tweets and horrible shit people said this year sounds like a bad idea and yet these guys made a real gem. The drop on this song, an all timer.
3. Electricity (feat. Diplo & Mark Ronson) – Silk City & Dua Lipa My friend Tom will send me songs periodically with the hope that I’ll think one of them is a banger and while he’s about 50/50 on hits to misses, he really hit with this one. I didn’t know Mark Ronson even made good songs!
4. Love Like Waves – Friendly Fires One of the best bands in the world returns with another classic.
5. New Light – John Mayer All I ask of John Mayer is that he deliver breezy tracks where he’s unlucky in love. Thank you, John.
6. wonderful life (feat. Dani Filth) – Bring Me The Horizon This was almost a Limp Bizkit song and it rules.
7. 1999 – Charli XCX & Troye Sivan Charli XCX spent awhile making fun, poppy songs that were instantly catchy and yet somehow she didn’t get superfamous off them and she did this weird retreat where she put out strange, sorta glitchy “futuristic” songs that were not great but gave her cred with people who love it when pop stars make songs that sorta unlistenable. Anyway, she came back this year with some catchy stuff again, and this felt like a true return to form. Drop an album, Charli!
8. Keep It Real Dumb – Death From Above Even their tossed off b-sides crush.
9. Sicko Mode – Travis Scott & Drake The beat switch is abrupt and clunky but the beat it switches into lets you know it’s time to Get The Fuck Up.
10. Lake Effect Kid – Fall Out Boy The Fall Out Boy album this year was the first since Take It To Your Grave to not make my best of the year list. It wasn’t even like it’s super terrible, but it isn’t what I want from these guys anymore. But this song, off an EP released later in the year, is a perfect throw back to their prime era sound(2005-2008), and they don’t sound like they’re aping themselves. More please.
11. The Abyss – CrawlBlind CrawlBlind are a British nu-metal band that a listener of my podcast told us about. They had been broken up for about 15 years and have only recently reunited and started releasing new music. This song sounds like they designed it based on listening to every episode of our show and I Appreciate It.
12. thank u, next – Ariana Grande Best thing she’s ever made.
13. Nice For What – Drake Drake is now in the stage in his career where he’s dropping 25 track albums with about 3 good songs.
14. Boo’d Up – Ella Mai Isn’t this just a lovely song about love?
15. no tears left to cry – Ariana Grande Another song where the beat switch makes you say, “Oh here we fucking go”.

Best Picture Nominees, 2018 edition

It is another year, another Oscars, another marathon for me to watch all 9(!) nominees for Best Picture before the ceremony. Some years are tougher than others, but this year it just felt like the volume was the most overwhelming thing. Really, Academy? Nine movies? Too many! Especially when you get like 30 minutes into one of them and say “Unless something truly bananas happens in the next 60-90 minutes (depending), this is no Best Picture!” You say this alone, because this is a solitary journey.

(spoilers for all films)

 

Call Me By Your Name

This is a nice, slight film about a teenage boy living with his parents for the summer in Italy who falls in love with his father’s research assistant, who is played by Armie Hammer and is indeed the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. Hammer is one of those people who is so tremendously good looking that either the role needs to acknowledge that or they have to cover up his face with a fake beard or something, otherwise a lack of acknowledgement ruins the suspension of disbelief. Thankfully Call Me By Your Name has everyone commenting on how hot and tall Armie Hammer is from literally the first moment he shows up, so you can enjoy the rest of the film knowing that they know what you know. As a gay coming of age tale it is surprisingly devoid of any scenes of homophobia or violence against the gay leads and that completely took me by surprise, which is kind of bummer if you think about it. We’re so accustomed to the violence and abuse in tales about the gay experience that to see it unfold without any of that felt like a minor miracle. And yet, it is slight film. It can meander and become navel gazing, but that is it’s nature. Do you shame a turtle for it’s shell? The dance sequence is indeed transcendent, and Michael Stuhlberg’s monologue at the end is incredibly touching, though I would argue that he didn’t get a snubbed by the Academy because before that scene he isn’t really doing much but nodding and smiling. Armie Hammer didn’t get nominated because he’s too hot and the Academy was afraid that he’d show up and they’d have to hide in the back of the Dolby Theater and say to themselves in a mirror,  “Just play it cool, he’s just a guy, just play it cool. God, look at you, you’re a fucking mess. Oh god, he probably doesn’t even know I exist!” Relax, Oscars.

Darkest Hour

I thought this movie would be really boring but instead it’s only kinda boring, with little bits in that you go “Haha, no fucking way that ever happened, nice try though”. Gary Oldman benefits from some great makeup that doesn’t make him look like a melted candle, but ultimately this a movie about a bunch of old guys grumbling at each other and teeters way too much into hagiography. The Academy loves WW2 though, and couple that with a biopic, this was Money In The Bank.

Dunkirk

Hey, it’s the same story as Darkest Hour but we get to actually see Operation Dynamo in action, instead of watching known Eugenics fan Winston Churchill meet an interracial couple on the subway and say “Cool, nice to meet you!” It’s our boy Christopher Nolan, so we got some wild timeline shit going on, we got Tom Hardy only showing his eyes, but we don’t have any exposition and it is under two hours, a very un-Nolan move. Good job, Chris. Dunkirk is tense and plays out as a nearly non-stop barrage of “Oh fuck we’re all gonna die” moments for the entire runtime. It is visceral and lean in a way I did not expect from Christopher Nolan, considering he was coming off of Interstellar, which is a lumbering ton of shit. The hot buzz is this might win Best Picture because of the way the voting system is set up, which isn’t the most interesting choice, but it would be a surprising choice, and I am all about 1) surprises and 2) good movies winning awards.

Get Out

I’ve watched Get Out twice now, and what really hit me on the second viewing is that it is tight as fuck. It leaves little clues throughout and has scenes that can play two ways at the same time, and it is great. Tense, scary, and funny in ways both expected and unexpected, this is obvious choice for Best Picture, but I think it is just too good to win. Jordan Peele will have to settle for making a film that has altered the zeitgeist and modern culture forever. Certainly better than an award. Welcome to the Fury Road Club!

Lady Bird

Even though it has been almost five years since he passed, I am still struck with sadness when I realize a new film that I love won’t ever have an Ebert review. Not because I walked in lockstep with Ebert, but because his reviews, especially his great ones, were written from a personal and humane perspective, and often they didn’t take themselves too seriously, as I’ve discovered going back through his archives over the years. Sometimes he would see a bad movie and just throw his hands up and say “What a dumb picture, everyone should have walked off set and bought an early lunch.” When Ebert found a film that he loved and connected with, you’d find no better review. Reading through his list of the best films of the decade, 2000-2009, he said the following:

“All of these films are on this list for the same reason: The direct emotional impact they made on me. They have many other qualities, of course. But these evoked the emotion of Elevation, which I wrote about a year or so ago. Elevation is, scientists say, an actual emotion, not a woo-woo theory. I believe that, because some films over the years have evoked from me a physical as well as an intellectual or emotional response.”

I had already watched Lady Bird before reading this, but Elevation is a great way to describe how this movie made me feel. Greta Gerwig somehow found a way to tell this story of a girl in Catholic school who fights with her mom and is just figuring out her shit and make it instantly relatable and resonant. If I’m laughing and nodding and even crying, you’ve got something special. I love how Lady Bird isn’t afraid to make it’s characters unsympathetic, or have them love bad music, because high school is all about bad music(though Alanis is good). I don’t agree with the complaints about “indie quirk”, because this is a film with an empathy for all of it’s characters, never more so than the shot of the dying father after Lady Bird loses her virginity. Lady Bird is the subject of this story, but she is just one inhabitant of this world. Just like you and me. I don’t think this will win anything, which is too bad, so it’ll have to settle for it being wonderful and true.

Phantom Thread

Toxic masculinity will be the end of us. If you read a newspaper you can see that it can only bring us down, and so I am not that surprised that a lot of people look at Phantom Thread as some kind of throwback to difficult men and the women who love them. But what about the story surrounding this difficult man? Over and over we are shown that he is coddled and weak, that perhaps his genius is overstated. Vicky Krieps performance as Alma couldn’t be more direct in how she feels about Reynolds Woodcock and his particular ways. Yes, this guy is a jerk! And the option is that you either change him or kill him! Lucky for Reynolds, he is willing to be changed, even if it is through regular poisoning sessions. This film is astounding, like a more direct The Master, and I look forward to basking in the wildness for years to come. Oh, and it’s hilarious.

The Post

Why not, The Post? It’s wonderfully directed, well acted, and is paced like a runner, and maybe the ending is too on the nose for sophisticates, but at least it isn’t shy about it’s politics. This late period of Spielberg’s career has people for some reason underrating him, probably because his non-animated features come off on paper like dry civics lessons, though anyone who actually watched Bridge of Spies would know that it’s better than half the movies that came out this year. It won’t win a thing, and that’s ok, Spielberg will just have to settle for being one of the greatest of all time. He didn’t win for Munich either!

The Shape of Water

A movie about outcasts, as a period piece, who love to watch old movies, with a surprise song and dance number hidden in the back half, what could turn off the Academy? I guess the fish guy sex, which I thought was handled romantically(as much as monster sex can be). Guillermo del Toro has always made films that reach harder into sentimentality and cheese than many of his peers, which is how you get the Tokyo sequence in Pacific Rim and the absurdity of all of Crimson Peak (a terrible film). With Shape of Water, del Toro’s deep love and empathy for the characters lifts the film where it would fall, a kind of earned confidence from a guy who has been doing this for 20 years now. Skillfully made, with fun performances throughout, it is just too whimsical and sincere to dismiss. Also, if you nominate Michael Stuhlberg for a 2017 performance, he sure has a lot more to do here than in Call Me By Your Name. 

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Every year, without fail, there is one film that gets into the Oscar race that turns out to be completely terrible. I did not see this one coming. It looked like a romp, albeit one about injustice and a terrible crime. That is not what you get. Instead, Three Billboards is this strange, broad dramedy about forgiveness and disappointment and contains exactly zero real people you would ever meet. The performances run from Frances McDormand’s terse and quippy wronged mother to Sam Rockwell’s aw shucks racist cop(an actually pretty bad performance from a guy who up until now could do no wrong) to Peter Dinklage’s long suffering character who has to put up with terrible jokes about his height. Dinklage, why put yourself through this? He got more respect from Cersai in the last season of Game of Thrones. Three Billboards is a natural descendent of a film like Crash (2005), a “gotta hear both sides” kind of story, where a mother is made to feel bad because the cops who can’t find her daughter’s killer are just some misunderstood racists and a guy dying of cancer. Everybody hurts, y’know. The film also wants to be an equal opportunity offender, so we have blithe moments about spousal abuse, police brutality, little people, and assault. So much vicious assault with little to no consequences. At one point McDormand’s character brutally maims her dentist and it gets played like “Haha, you fucked that guy up for no reason, who cares? We, the filmmakers, certainly don’t. Let’s not bring it up ever again.” The closing moments of the film are the most flippant, as McDormand and Rockwell embark on a quest to possibly murder a man and say to each other, “Well, maybe we will, who knows? Maybe we won’t! We’ll figure it out on the way.” What a statement! Oh god, I almost forgot the suddenly Australian wife of Woody Harrelson who is at least 20 years younger than him and has to say the line, “You have a beautiful cock.” Put this movie in the trash. (Because I know it’ll come up, my ranking of bad movies nominated for Oscars in the last 5 years from most worst to least worst: Birdman, American Hustle, The Revenant, Three Billboards)

 

There you have it, I watched em all. Here is my prediction:

Will win: Dunkirk

Should win: Get Out

 

Hell, why not? Here are my top 10 of 2017.

1. Raw
2. Brawl In Cell Block 99
3. John Wick: Chapter 2
4. mother!
5. Lady Bird
6. Get Out
7. Phantom Thread
8. Split
9. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
10. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage

2017 in Music

I want to shout out all the albums I listened to this year that I would emphatically text people about and say “Hot album!” and then never listen to again. Shouts to the songs people shared on social media that I would listen to the first 30 seconds of and go “Oh ok”. Shouts to the songs with hot choruses that I heard on Snapchat but never made the effort to hear in full.

Favorite Albums

1. Death From Above – Outrage! Is Now Hot open, hot close, “Freeze Me” is song of the year, Sebastien stretched himself out and I appreciated it. Jesse’s whole year was pretty fucked up(you can google it) and I went through my own existential crisis about that. Ultimately, this record is another crusher from two guys who are incapable of doing anything else.
2. Charly Bliss – Guppy This record is a giddy sugar rush of screams and yelps over a guitar, bass, drum attack that I had assumed had gone out of style. That Charly Bliss are actually catching on and might become a “thing” is a nice surprise that I never could have predicted, but what is life if not constant surprises.
3. Paramore – After Laughter While not as good as the self titled it is certainly a grower, and the layer of exhaustion is relatable and true.
4. Body Count- Bloodlust The best thing I read about this album was actually a pan, that said that it sounds like Ice-T delivering a TED talk over metal guitars. YES! THAT IS WHY IT IS GOOD.
5. Demi Lovato – Tell Me You Love Me Very happy that Demi was able to give us a full album with good songs to accompany the great single. Put out “Daddy Issues” as the next single, girl!
6. Dasher- Sodium This album fucking rules.
7. Spoon – Hot Thoughts How many great albums do these guys have now? 10? 20?
8. Jay-Z – 4:44 I DID NOT THINK HE COULD DO IT BUT HE DID
9. Japandroids – Near to the Wild Heart of Life Japandroids gotta Japandroid, yo. This one plays to the cheap seats and the big rooms, and maybe some critics could sense that, tensed up and docked them a star. But, these guys had it, got it, still got, and might always have it.
10. The Afghan Whigs – In Spades When Greg Dulli arrives with more sexy melancholy I will always be there with cash in hand.

Favorite Songs

1. “Freeze Me” – Death From Above
2. “Mask Off” – Future
3. “Sorry Not Sorry” – Demi Lovato
4. “Green Light” – Lorde
5. “The Ski Mask Way” – Body Count
6. “Hard Times” – Paramore
7. “Black Hole” – Charly Bliss
8. “Teeth” – Dasher
9. “Run” – Suicide Silence
10. “Beyond the Pale” – Machine Head
11. “Unforgettable” – French Montana feat. Swae Lee
12. “Disco Tits” – Tove Lo
13. “You’re Fucked” – Big Dumb Face
14. “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back” – Shawn Mendes
15. “Passionfruit” – Drake

Best Album Art of the Year

Album reviews, 10/26/17

Bloodlust by Body Count: I never listened back in the day, when it seemed like just Ice-T yelling (it wasn’t a scream, it was a yell) “Cop killer” over distorted guitar. I got it, but I didn’t need it. Bloodlust is actually essential, and the yell is the perfect accompaniment. The riffs are hooky, the message is blunt and brutal, and it ends in a little over 30 minutes, so you can’t even say it’s preachy. Those guys take at least an hour.

After Laughter by Paramore: 4 years again, but who’s counting? Paramore double back on their fury for a record that is restrained and wounded, the guitar attack thinned out to retro plucks, influence and reference points vary. Despite the restraint and the defeated lyrics Paramore gonna Paramore, and the album is largely platinum hooks and that trademark enthusiasm, tamped down but still present.

More Life by Drake: These things are going to just keep getting longer, aren’t they? More vibrant than Views but just as indulgent. “Passionfruit” is good, but other than that it just evaporates.

Heartworms by The Shins: James Mercer does one thing well. He does not do that one thing anymore.

Suicide Silence by Suicide Silence: Alienation never sounded so hesitant.

Near To The Wild Heart Of Life by Japandroids: I like that after 5 years and breathless anticipation they just made another Japandroids album. Playing to the cheap seats and the casual fandom a bit, but that never hurt anyone. Everyone needs a grower, this fits the bill. Now just hope they don’t become The Black Keys.

Hot Thoughts by Spoon: Like their last one, pretty good, really good, good, last song is ok, see you in a couple years. Easy to take for granted when it doesn’t seem like they think it’s that hard.

Strangers Only by My Ticket Home: Call it nu-metal, call it puke rock, call it whatever your heart desires. If the riffs are resplendent and the hooks shouted into the sky, I will call it great.

unReal by My Ticket Home: I didn’t think it was possible for someone to overrate the mid 90’s more than me.

Crooked Teeth by Papa Roach: Never count out the lifers who might just surprise you with 10 or so hot rockers of sturdy riffs and passionate vocals with nice hooks and a half hour to get it done.

Lorin watched all the Best Picture nominees again, 2017 edition

Y’know, if they went back to just 5 nominees for best picture this would be so much easier to do. I actually thought I was done watching all of these and then I looked at the list and realized I still had two to go! Who has the time? I mean, I did have the time, but who else? Not most people. So here they are, with some thoughts. Right off I’ll say this year already has a leg up on past years in that there are no outright stinkers. See what happens when David O. Russell and Iñárritu take a year off. As well, no movie on this list was as good as Green Room, the actual best movie of 2016.

(Some spoilers ahead)

Arrival

Did the end of this make sense to you? I mean, I know the aliens give the human race the ability to see the future but the whole phone call to the Chinese president bit with the words from his wife? I mean, that works? The movie said it did but I don’t buy it. Arrival feels like a film that is playing things very grounded(for an alien visit film) and suddenly switches gear to get very vague and metaphysical, and left me sighing out of the theater. After so much detail I was surprised that the movie ends with someone essentially saying “Everything worked out, don’t sweat the details.” This whole movie up that point was about details! Ahhhh! People love it, but the end felt like grasping at air.

Fences

Everyone is acting super hard here but it felt like a play, because it was a play. Your milage may vary. Denzel is one of the greats and I know he won a Tony for this performance but it doesn’t feel lived in, the way so many of his other performances do. I think this owes to the difference between theater acting and film acting, of which I don’t know a ton about but I’ve seen some plays and I’ve watched plenty of movies and Fences is broad as fuck. This works in the intimate setting of a live play, the actors literally performing mere feet from your seat. But in a film, this feels off, like a rehearsal. Viola Davis is better, her big moment playing more grounded, but otherwise she’s consistent with the other players. Great play, but only ok cinema.

Hacksaw Ridge

This is a strange one, since the first half of this movie is corny trash and the second half is a war gore fest, and they’re so at odds with each other that it’ll give you whiplash. Mel Gibson of course is a lunatic religious fanatic, so the religion stuff gets thrown around pretty heavily, but this movie looks good and you guys, this violence is bananas. People are using torsos as human shields, so many people get flamethrowered, and HEADSHOTSSSSS. Oh yeah, this is about a guy who just saves people and never fires a gun. Will admit, got a little choked up at the end, when they show the real guy in archive footage, but that’s just me getting weepy after becoming a dad. Dunno how this got nominated, but WW2 is an easy sell to Oscar voters.

Hell or High Water

Y’know, this one was just ok too. Pretty on the nose about the poor and disenfranchised in this country, but also has a hokey moment with Jeff Bridges character and his partner that only works because Jeff Bridges is a really good actor. The movie wants us to believe something to the effect of “Sure he’s racist but he loves this guy.” I dunno, up to that point he seems pretty racist to me. Chris Pine has this great scene beating a guy up in one take that I liked, but otherwise, just ok.

Hidden Figures

It’s a nice crowd pleaser, made with verve and just a touch of style. Could have used more style, but it had more than I come to expect from these kind of films, and it’s a nice little moment to see Janelle Monae before she becomes a giant superstar. Smart casting of Kevin Costner, this should have been a sleepwalk role and he still showed up.

La La Land

Neither as bad as you’ve heard nor as good as the momentum would suggest. Has a deathly opening 20 minutes but then the songs stop and the film lets the leads be their charming selves. The big problem is that all the songs suck and the dancing is wan. I expected better from the director of Whiplash.

Lion

This is a nice movie that literally no one will remember in a year. It’s like Room in that way. Remember Room? Everyone was all, “Did you see Room? So sad!” So Lion is like that in that it is sad, has a strong performance by a child lead, but for some reason the grown actor gets more awards focus for arbitrary reasons. Unless they’re awarding Dev Patel for his transformation from gawky nerd is smoldering long haired sex god, in which case, sure, give it to him. But seriously, the end of this movie made me cry.

Manchester by the Sea

This one is sad but hey, not sad as fuck? This thing starts and I’m thinking “This is going to be sad as fuck” but it’s only kinda sad, definitely melancholy, sometimes funny in that “Yeah, that’s life brah” way, and I was invested the whole way through. Casey Affleck, terrible things he’s allegedly done in real life aside(insane how we have to keep saying that about every single actor and director these days), is very good in this, because he’s always been very good. Triple 9, Gone Baby Gone, the guy has always been crushing it. I don’t think this is a showy enough performance to win, and his off camera issues probably hurt him too. Otherwise, good flick!

Moonlight

I think this movie is good but after sitting on it for awhile I think the main character is too underwritten, to the point where his maturation and decisions seem more screenplay arbitrary than “This happens then this then this.” I agree that Mahershala Ali is very good and should win the Oscar but the problem is that his performance is so strong and commanding that when he suddenly leaves the film, there is an immediate void that the film doesn’t try to address, and when Chiron is revealed to take on Ali’s characters attributes as an adult, it felt like lazy movie shorthand. At first my reaction was “Of course” but then I thought “Of course?” Still, the final diner scene is so beautiful and tender and the fact that this movie doesn’t end like tear jerker massacre is a miracle unto itself.

Should win: Manchester by the Sea

Will win: La La Land

My Favorite Films of 2016

Green Room

Elle 

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

Hail, Caesar

Don’t Breathe

The Nice Guys

Manchester by the Sea

Favorite film moments of 2016

Boxcutter scene in Green Room

All of the Alden Ehrenreich scenes in Hail, Caesar

Gosling finding the dead body in The Nice Guys

Kevin Costner saying “My head was cold!” in Criminal

Batman warehouse raid in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Gerard Butler saying “Fuck me? Fuck you!” and then scraping a terrorist against a wall with an SUV because the terrorist said “Fuck you!” at him while trying to kill him in London Has Fallen.

Best Music of 2016

Being a dad means less time listening to music. Well, that’s not true, I listened to the “Busy busy busy busy/there is so much to do” song on my son’s Stand and Play table about 500 times this year. Definitely my most listened to track. The music below is what I had time for and enjoyed, in between that song and all the nu-metal I listened to over here. I echo similar sentiments from people like Al Shipley and Steven Hyden with my list this year. I didn’t get to hear as much as I wanted to, and sometimes even then I didn’t get to listen to some things more than once. As a snapshot of my 2016 listening experience, this is pretty accurate.

ALBUMS

1. The Life of Pablo by Kanye West
   This has been a trying year for us Kanye-Stans. We’ve had to weather the outbursts and the delays and the album rollout and the Trump supporting statements and then actually meeting with Trump; it almost broke us. But we still had these songs. As an album it is certainly Kanye’s messiest since Late Registration but the peaks are so high, and the lows aren’t really that low at all. I ride for “Facts”, but hey, I’m a Kanye-Stan.
   p.s. The Pablo tour was flames before it imploded.

   

2. A Seat at the Table by Solange
   I never thought I’d become obsessed with a Solange album but 2016 was a year of surprises both good and bad. Solange finally crafted a piece of work that felt distinctly her own, not cribbing from obvious sources, instead fueled by a passion and point of view that is shatteringly personal. All of Solange’s previous work never sounded like it was necessary, while A Seat at the Table sounds vital and needed.

   

3. Atrocity Exhibition by Danny Brown
   Danny Brown reviews always talk about how he’s melting down and his songs show a side of him that is wild and off kilter. I certainly see that, but I think the great thing about his albums is that the dude is just rapping hard. Front to back, his albums are just power raps, mowing down the competition. And I don’t even care about the competition. Beats: fire. Lyrics: crushing.

   

4. Crazy Eyes by Filter
   Filter frontman Richard Patrick has been rotating and replacing bandmates pretty regularly since 2008’s Anthems For the Damned with mixed results. The albums were never terrible, they just sounded patchy and conceptually weak and with 2013’s The Sun Comes Out Tonight, I was convinced that I could expect about half an album of solid tracks with a decent amount of filler every couple years and I was totally fine with that. Patrick got his groove back with this one, you guys. Basically front to back fury, with Patrick indulging in dance floor grooves, industrial blast beats and that wonderful strained yarl that all us Filter-heads live for. Easily their best album since 2002’s The Amalgamut.

   

5. SEPT. 5TH by dvsn
   I heard a lot of R&B this year that either was too sleepy and languid for my tastes or too indebted to old sources without adding anything new. dvsn was the group that really surprised me, with a strong, passionate and seductive sound that I hadn’t been hearing in these other albums. The vocal on “Try” is some oh shit oh shit level quality.

   

6. Power Under Control by Islander
   I first heard of these guys while researching bands that are considered to be nu-metal in 2016. They have co-signs from P.O.D. and Korn, but their sound is a mix of the hard charge of nu-metal with the melodic lightness of pop-punk. I know, I was skeptical too. This is Islander’s second album, their first falling into that emo/punk sound with little need for strong hooks. In between albums the lead singer basically ditched the whole band and started again from scratch. They’re now in that P.O.D. lane of being almost explicitly a religious band with songs like “Beelezbub” but they mostly stick to kick riffs on “Bad Guy” and “Better Day”. Terrible haircuts tho.

   

7. We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service by A Tribe Called Quest
   No one expected this album and I don’t think anyone expected it to be pretty great when they found out about it. But Q-Tip is some kind of casual genius and having everyone record in studio together clearly worked, because this album is alive and vibrant. That said, there are plenty of albums made by people in different rooms who never meet, but let the mystique be. Having the title be something that Phife liked but never explained to anyone is the perfect ending to it all.

   

8. Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande
   We’re now three albums deep into Ariana Grande’s career and each album is better than the last. She packs it with a couple of all timers (“Into You”, “Touch It”) and just creates a real fun, high energy pop package that isn’t dumb or embarrassing. And girl can sang.

   

9. Into the Vanishing Light by Night Verses
   I found out about these guys because famed nu-metal producer Ross Robinson worked on and produced this album, one of six(!) albums he did this year (his work on De La Tierra’s II is also a highlight). For whatever reason, Night Verses and their emo/post-hardcore sound resonated with me this year, and Ross did a great job organizing the cacophony of their sound and having them branch out into other areas as well, like prog and shoegaze. I guess this one was divisive in their fan base, which could mean their next record is some “back to basics” BS. I hope not.

   

10. The Serenity of Suffering by Korn
    While I was definitely excited to hear this new Korn album I don’t think I expected it to be this good. It’s not even like it’s the best album they’ve ever done, but it is certainly the best album they’ve made in at least 13 years. The band members hyped this thing up as a back to basics, let’s just rock record, and the fact that it actually is the thing they said it would be is pretty mindblowing. 11 tracks, just Korn being Korn, big hooks, crunching riffs, no complaints from me!

    

11. Gameshow by Two Door Cinema Club
    These guys came back real strong after their second record turned out to be an actual sophomore slump. Dedication to light, fun dance pop/rock and good hooks make this the kind of breezy listen that sounds too easy, though I’m sure it was hard as hell to make.

    

12. Operator by MSTRKRFT
    MSTRKRFT’s last album Fist of God is an all timer for me, a front to back album of hard dance bangers, released in 2009 just as the whole blog house sound was dying out(much to my chagrin). They have let a couple trends come and go and come in the time since that record, and with Operator they sound like they’re in a transition mode of still knowing how to do the big hooks if they want to, but burying them in distortion and punk screams. It was initially disorienting but it is a definite grower with plenty of bangers to be found.

    

13. Prima Donna by Vince Staples
    Vince is the realest, and he sounds so disdainful half the time, and I love it. I listened to this the same week as that Travis Scott album and it only cemented the fact that that album is a piece of trash.

    

14. Cashmere by Swet Shop Boys
    Swet Shop Boys had the best song of 2014 and they now have an album that is almost as good. Heems continues his post-Das Racist run of success with more sharp/lazy sounding rhymes while Riz MC has apparently gotten even better and is spitting with a venom that is invigorating! 30 or so minutes of fire right here.

    

15. Anti by Rihanna
    When this came out, the talk was that Rihanna had finally made a cohesive album and not just a playlist of singles, which is the kind of thing you say when an album doesn’t sound like it has any big hits on it. I think this is about as consistent as Loud or Rated R, but without a big monster dance floor number, instead you have “Work”, which still sounds dumb and unfinished to me but I’m not upset about it. Most of the album is great moody numbers like “Needed Me” and “Kiss It Better”, and if I don’t think it is that much different from her other albums, it at least feels confident for an album that was being pushed back and retooled for over a year.

    

16. Hit Reset by The Julie Ruin
    It would be a shame if the only thing people remembered about Kathleen Hanna this year is that terrible song she put out with a (briefly) reunited Le Tigre. Thankfully, history should record this excellent Julie Ruin album, filled to the brim with strong rockers about standing up for yourself, getting over your past wounds and kicking ass.

    

17. Beyond the Fleeting Gales by Crying
    Writer Ian Cohen put these guys on my radar when he tweeted an enthusiastic endorsement of their first single from this album, “Wool In the Wash”. He said “Van Halen” and I’m always dying for more vintage Van Halen so I did not walk, I ran, to hear this band. And y’know, at first I agreed with a lot of the internet people who said that making the Halen comparison did not do this band any favors, because your mind goes to David Lee Roth in a codpiece doing kick flips, not a soft voiced woman singing over guitar solos and enthusiastic keyboards. But the guitar is shiny and glittery, the riffs are potent and the momentum never lags. It sounds like the future.

    

18. Lemonade by Beyoncé
    I think this is only her fourth best album, but it’s still pretty good and the visual element is an all timer. I also believe that the whole storyline is just for the album and has little to no actual basis in fact. I will accept the facts as they are presented.

    

19. Gore by Deftones
    Has a fair share of rippers along with the spacey, sensual stuff that I always expect from Chino. I’d say it’s a lesser work by them after the great run of Diamond Eyes and Koi No Yokon but it still crushes where it counts and the finale is a classic.

    

20. A New Wave of Violence by Head Wound City
    I have spent a lot of time listening to the Johnny Whitney post-Blood Brother’s projects but this was the first Jordan Blilie and Cody Votolato project I checked out, and I am glad I did because it is 24 minutes of fury, the closest to Blood Brothers we’re probably going to get. Along with members of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Locust, and produced once again by Ross Robinson, A New Wave of Violence is thrashing guitars and screeched vocals in the Blood Brothers vein, but with a punk efficiency. One story about Ross Robinson is that he likes to throw things at the bands while he records them, to get them to be alert and awake in the moment. Head Wound City sound like they would be ready to throw something right back.

SONGS

1. Crying: “Wool in the Wash”
2. Ariana Grande: “Into You”
3. Primal Scream: “Where The Light Gets In” (feat. Sky Ferreira)
4. Kanye West: “Father I Stretch My Hands Pt. 1”
5. Filter: “Nothing In My Hands”
6. Kwesta: “Ngud'”
7. Tegan and Sara: “U-turn”
8. Deftones: “Doomed User”
9. Beyoncé: “Formation”
10. Tokyo Police Club: “PCH”
11. Islander: “Bad Guy”
12. Chance the Rapper: “All Night” (feat. Knox Fortune)
13. A$AP Mob: “Yamborghini High” (feat. Juicy J)
14. Noname: “Diddy Bop” (feat. Raury and Cam O’Bi)
15. Chance the Rapper: “No Problem” (feat. Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz)
16. Justice: “Randy”
17. Desiigner: “Panda”
18. Korn: “Take Me”
19. Rae Sremmurd: “Black Beatles” (feat. Gucci Mane)
20. John Mayer: “Love On the Weekend”

Spotify Playlist

Apple Music Playlist

Joanne by Lady Gaga

When you consider all of the big popstars of today and the last twenty or thirty years, there is something to be said for staying power and impact in the zeitgeist. There are stars and then there are icons. Prince, Madonna, Michael Jackson, embedded in the culture and hitless for around 20 years but still, their legacies are secure, and that was the case even before Prince and MJ passed away. But is Lady Gaga on that level? The way articles and she herself portrays her career, you might think so,  and yet Lady Gaga isn’t even ten years into a career that has only spawned one actual hit album, 2008’s The Fame. She buffered that with the EP The Fame Monster but when she finally dropped the actual follow up, Born This Way in 2011, she had to juke the stats with a promotion where the album sold for a dollar. Since that trick, the powers that be have changed the rules on how cheap you can sell your album and have it “count”. She got a number 1 single out of it with the title track, but neither that song or any of the other singles had any staying power in radio playlists after the year was up. If you hear a Gaga song at a wedding or social event in 2016, it is definitely something off The Fame. 2013’s Artpop was a genuine flop, not going platinum and without a number 1 single (“Applause” got to #4, “Do What You Want” to #13, “G.U.Y.” to #76) and accompanied by rumors of sabotage and general mismanagement. Gaga has spent the time since rehabilitating her career by doing “normal” things, like dressing in conventional clothes and singing duets with old people, appealing to the norms. Now we have Joanne, and it’s clear that Gaga didn’t realize that it isn’t the music we were shunning, it was her.

I actually really liked Artpop and Born This Way. They both indulged in maximalism which is Gaga’s best look, always adding too much and overwhelming the senses. The thing with an all sugar diet is that eventually you’re gonna crash, and that was Artpop, too over the top and indulgent for it’s own good. But also, I think the whole Lady Gaga thing, people were done with it. Gaga had taken all of us to the edge of her abilities, and the world said, “Ok, I get it. I’m gonna pass.” With Joanne, Lady Gaga is trying to woo back people with what she thinks they want, with something she isn’t good at, which is being chill.

Joanne is a frustrating listen, like a bronco that has been tranquilized. Certainly Lady Gaga means well with her Trayvon Martin ballad “Angel Down”, but it sounds like sad word salad with lines like “living in the age of social” which strive for poetic but sound more like fumbling profundity. But more so, when the bpms rise, the production is still muted and dull, with an embrace of guitars and “real” sounds over the “fake” sound of EDM drops. As if guitars are just hanging off trees, waiting to be plucked.

The reviews for Joanne are tepid but kind. No one wants to out and out slam her, and even the supposed pan from Jon Caramanica in the New York Times is actually more even handed than Gaga’s retort would suggest. And about that, why is Lady Gaga responding to reviewers? Never a good look, girl.

What we do have to look forward to is the next Gaga album in 2 or 3 years, where she drops some megawattage video with huge synths and screaming vocals and does interviews where she says “Yeah, Joanne was a weird moment. But I’m back, sitting with you, covered in leeches.”

Jason Bourne

 

Jason Bourne is the worst entry in the series to feature Matt Damon. I haven’t watched the Damonless The Bourne Legacy but Tony Gilroy wrote it so it probably has some moments. Gilroy also wrote the original trilogy but did not return for this run around the globe. It shows. Director Paul Greengrass attempts to make Bourne current by having a subplot about internet privacy but it just lays there on the screen, everyone tapping their toes wondering when Bourne is going to throw a guy off a roof. Don’t worry, that eventually happens.

I remain confounded by the popularity of the Bourne franchise. Sturdy, sure, but so damn dull. The original trilogy managed to deliver the same film three times, each one more efficiently than the last, with little sense of play or fun. Jason Bourne is a nothing character and he demands so little emotionally from Matt Damon. Yet, that wouldn’t matter if the films were better. But they are largely shots of screens and suits and people on cell phones barking the names of cities. The action is always shaky and blurry, the hint of movement with zero clarity. Why anyone would prefer this over even the worst James Bond or Mission Impossible film is the great mystery of our time. I have seen the argument that these films are “smart” but I think people just mean “serious” and “humorless”. Jason Bourne doesn’t joke, the people chasing after him don’t either. This is spy craft and espionage at it’s most dry. I will give the original trilogy credit: right when you start to glaze at the pointlessness of the plot, something crashes, someone is shot, Bourne kills someone with a magazine.

Jason Bourne picks up with Jason living off the grid and earning money as some kind of underground fighter. He is reintroduced taking out a guy with one punch(!) and then walking off, all bad ass. But then he starts feeling sad, because Jason Bourne has never felt cool ever, because he’s too busy either being confused or depressed. He gets contacted by good ol’ Julia Stiles to find out more about Operation Treadstone and Daddy Bourne’s involvement with it. This leads to the first action sequence of the movie, where Bourne and Julia ride around on a motorcycle, weaving around incredibly docile rioters. No one ever really gets in their way, but in typical Paul Greengrass style, at one point someone puts their leg right in front of the camera, because it isn’t an action shot if Greengrass can’t obscure the action with either a head or a limb or just shaking the camera until the image is a rusty blur. Eventually all this riding around comes to an end with the death of Stiles by a sniper’s bullet. This is a direct echo of Franka Potente’s death in The Bourne Supremacy, so if you’ve been looking for another woman to die for a man, Jason Bourne has you covered.

The action throughout Jason Bourne is consistent with this style, blink and you’ll miss it fights and impacts, and strangely blocked scenes that only work to frustrate a viewer trying to just see what the fuck is going on. The big finale in Las Vegas is just oh so very slightly clearer, but still an edit fest requiring you to basically guess where these cars are in relation to one another. It helps that they get stacked on top of each other a few times.

Jason Bourne is one of the more blatant money grab IP extenders of the summer, with no one in front or behind the camera caring about much besides hitting their marks and cashing a check. Tommy Lee Jones might be the most bored and evil character of all time. My man is fucking yawning at one point.

Music Journal, June 6th 2016

Islah by Kevin Gates

The great contradictions of a person make them interesting, like when Vin Diesel goes to give a woman a kiss. Kevin Gates is the greatest embodiment of contrast, with moments of real empathy and openness right alongside tracks where he goes on and on defending his decision to assault a fan at a show. The music is good to great across the board, lush and full without being overproduced, the beats aren’t particularly showy but never generic. Islah has Gates offering footrubs while his lady talks about her day, juggles his two phones(business and pleasure) and he loves to fuck. He can also rap, sing the hook, and eschews guests. Kevin Gates is too real.

Ξ by The Toxic Avenger 

The overhanging menace is a bit much. No attempts to dance. I think there is a GG Allin sound bite. A good reminder that blog house is dead too. Closing track “Together” aspires to some kind of lights in the sky, hands up in the air losing it moment but that dark menace, for whatever purpose it is supposed to lend, just sucks the air out of the room. This is so tasteful it might as well be hors d’oeuvres tray.

The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us by Beach Slang

The lead singer has that nice grit in his voice that makes guys like Ryan Adams and Walter Schreifels so appealing. The majority of these tracks rip it up, and “Dirty Lights” might be the rippiest of them all. My favorite part is this line in “Ride the Wild Haze”:

Get really high
Stay up for days
I come back down and somehow things are all the same

That’s fucking life, man.

The Life of Pablo by Kanye West

7 for 7, or 8 for 8 if you count Watch The Throne. For all the mess of the release and the fact that you still can’t buy it unless you have a Tidal account, TLOP is a winner. I’ve been listening to it incessently and it’s one of my favorite things he’s ever done, just like Yeezus before it. Kanye doesn’t seem interested in being a rapper anymore, and his twitter bears this out, but his curating and production abilities are still without peer. Is this a mess? I feel like Late Registration was a messier album, plus it had those terrible skits. TLOP doesn’t have any skits, it does have more prayers but it also has the drops and misogyny and that certainly gives you whiplash but that’s every Kanye album.

Post Pop Depression by Iggy Pop 

Iggy has made hints that this is a retirement record and it sounds like it. More subdued than one would expect considering the Josh Homme assembled band, Iggy Pop gets some jabs and wails in but he mostly sounds like someone who is tying up loose ends. A nice record to go out on, just don’t expect him to tear the world down around him while he exits.

Don’t You by Wet

This album is boring and sucks.

Majid Jordan by Majid Jordan

This is nice and pleasant and then you’ve fallen asleep on the couch.

Hotel Paranoia by Jazz Cartier

Fake Drake songs bump into fake Meek Mill songs into fake everybody else. Guy has no personality of his own. He is sure of himself though, so shouts to his self esteem.

I Don’t Think It Is by Say Anything

This is the worst album Say Anything have ever made. The production is either purposely bad or they literally had no budget. I kinda think it’s the latter. Max Bemis does more of the same from the last couple Say Anything albums, but with weaker hooks and a thin sound. I would say it’s a cry for help but every Say Anything album is a cry for help. This one just sounds more desperate.

Khalifa by Wiz Khalifa 

Wiz Khalifa is the owner of the most bored tone in rap, maybe tied with Big Sean. He just never sounds that interested in anything he is saying. The production on this one is not bad, always good to see Lex Luger getting a check. Strictly for the die hard Wizheads, or whatever they’re called.

10 Ways to Steal Home Plate by Wolfgang Gartner

We’re ten years removed from the Summer of 06, the beginning of the blog house era, an incredible time to be alive and have an internet connection. We’re now in a sort of post EDM era, so guys like Gartner, who as recently as 2011 were dropping mega opus albums with 8 minute tracks, are turning around and making 3 minute pop tracks featuring rappers. Not complaining, you have to work hard to put food on your family. 10 Ways gets the job done.

Views by Drake

I guess I’m back off the Drake train again. After the back to back delivery of Nothing Was The Same and it’s run of all timers (“Worst Behavior”, “Hold On We’re Going Home”) with 2015’s If You’re Reading This Its Too Late I figured Views would be a slam dunk. But instead Drake has delivered his first dirge record. Rapping at a minimum, singing and whining cranked up to 11, all over 40’s “The fridge is running” production soundscapes. No one needs these cold bummer tracks for such a hot summer.

Anti by Rihanna

It is easy to declare “Best Rihanna Album” on first listen. It seems so cohesive! I went back and listened to Rated R, Loud, Unapologetic and Talk That Talk just to be sure and those albums basically have the same success/failure rate as Anti, though Anti has less obvious A&R trend chasing.  Without any bangers, much of Anti’s runtime is given over to moody midtempo slither. “Needed Me” and “Kiss It Better” have a simple majesty and as a singer Rihanna has never sounded better and maybe one day she’ll make a true front to back burner. “Work” still sounds like RiRi’s “The Lady I Know” and that Tame Impala song is now a Rihanna song, sorry, no take backs.

Hymns by Bloc Party

A couple years ago I went to my cousin’s high school graduation party and I happened to mention an upcoming Bloc Party concert. “No one cares about Bloc Party anymore”, my cousin informed me. Hymns will not change that view. The title is taken in a literal sense, with endless soft paeans to a higher power that have no interest in strong hooks or melodies. Now running without Matt Tong’s iconic drumming or Gordon Moakes bass work, Bloc Party has taken on the guise of one of front man Kele Okereke’s tedious solo records. This guys used to be the jam. A real bummer.

Transmission by Death in Vegas

Richard Fearless is now partnering with Sasha Grey on his ventures as Death in Vegas, and while it’s a better album than 2011’s endless drone Trans-Love Energies it doesn’t play as much more than extended interludes. Grey doesn’t add much to the mix besides some monotone vocals, and besides functioning as a kind of white noise, I’m not sure what anyone is supposed to do with this music. It never elevates to the point of interesting art and instead functions as elaborate “on hold” muzak.

Coloring Book by Chance The Rapper

I still can’t take Chance’s voice for too long. Too thin, always sounds like he’s on the verge of a gasp or a crack. And if he tries to sing, it’s even worse. Sorry Chance, you’re no Kevin Gates. Still, Coloring Book has his best songs so far. “No Problem” has an incredible hook and some pretty good verses from 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne and “All Night” is the kind of party banger that you have to put on repeat because 2 minutes and 21 seconds isn’t long enough. Chance says his favorite Kanye album is The College Dropout and Coloring Book is slathered in it’s influence. Not a bad place to start.